tattoo it love, feel it hurt

I am getting to a point of utter frustration. I recently met someone, who began to make me feel all giddy again, and who I thought might work out. But not only a week and a half in, he says he is too comfortable being single, and just wants to continue to be alone. What. The. Fuck. Is wrong with me?? How can a girl choose the same type of man, over and over again? It’s ridiculous. My dear friend, Carrie, (of all names) says that since I had an absent father, I am constantly finding and attaching myself to men who cannot be there emotionally for me. And any man who is, I push away. Well, I believe the first part, most definitely, but the second, not so much. I just haven’t met any men who wants to be there for me in that way, except one, but I just wasn’t attracted to him in general. But I know it was not for that reason. I wish I had been, but you just can’t make those things happen.

I guess, I have always fallen for men like this, but what made one particular man different from all the rest was that he tried and tried for a year not to be that man. It was the worse thing for me, but it was also one of the nicest things. Instead of just giving up within the first month, he kept at it. As awful and dumb as it sounds, I’m glad I went through it. He is definitely, in a most unhealthy way, a good friend. Because he got to know me better than most people ever will, until the next man I let myself fall in love with. Anyway, I always ramble. He is there in the rare instances that I need to let out things I can’t let out with my mom and sister, because it gets to a point where I am embarrassed. And with him, I never am. How could I be? He’s seen me at the most vulnerable I have ever been.