May 2013
1 post
What Dreams May Come...
Yuanfen(Chinese): A relationship by fate or destiny. This is a complex concept. It draws on principles of predetermination in Chinese culture, which dictate relationships, encounters and affinities, mostly among lovers and friends.
I just watched the film, What Dreams May Come. I have been wanting to see it since it was first released. Although parts were corny, the message resonated deeply with...
April 2013
2 posts
Sometimes, I think or I see a movie, and it can overwhelm me with memory.
Sometimes, I flip the guide, and I see a movie and an actor from that movie reminds me of another movie, which transports me to one of the nicest places in time.
The Princess Bride is on.
Cary Elwes.
Crush.
Warm, fleshy, cotton. In the nook of his shoulder, ohhh, and the smell! The sweet, breathy, Dan smell. I want to...
The walls in my brain began to crack. At first, they were little hairline fractures in the corners of my sanity. But as he kept speaking, as he kept telling me no! No Meghan! No, it is over! As he kept hacking apart my heart with his blunt, emotionless tongue, those cracks got bigger.
I screamed as loud as my lungs could expel air, and I cried as hard as my eyes could produce tears. My heart...
November 2012
1 post
Moody
Macauley Culkin pink
Thin, but kissably plump
Hugging my top lip
Moist, and soft
Smooth, a slight lick
My teeth grasp
A lower lip
Warmly caressing
Aggressively together
Eyes shut, scents encompass
Spice and sweet
His musk, makes me dream
Happy, angry, sad
No emotion matters
Love, irrational and necessary
Nonsensically comforts me
September 2012
1 post
“I never told you what I love,” he says, whispering in my ear, his warm breath comforting my cheek.
I respond, “What do you love?” quivering from just the mention of a subject we haven’t touched in six months.
With a soft brush of his lower lip against my earlobe, he says, “I love this. I love when we are embracing, and I can hear you breathe. I can tell when...
August 2012
1 post
Friends.
There are so many friends in my life…I honestly feel blessed. But, there are always those certain ones who I miss, who I will always wonder, “what happened to us?”
Veronica, I miss you. Harry, I miss you.
Veronica, I don’t know what happened to us…I don’t know why we don’t talk all the time anymore, why we don’t cry on one another’s...
July 2012
3 posts
Sex with an Ex.
So, after what was one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through…I am back in the bed of my beloved ex. Is it crazy? Maybe. But I think after months of therapy, working on myself and talking with the people I needed to clear up issues with, I have realized Dan was not really the root of all my depression. Instead, he was very much the opposite. Now that I know I do not want a...
I Wanna LIVE!
I wanna live! …I wanna ride a motorcycle, I wanna fuck hot guys, I wanna drink, I wanna learn as much as my brain can hold, I wanna read classics, I wanna blast music, I wanna run, swim, dance! Oh dancing! Everyday! I wanna sing karaoke, I wanna kiss, I wanna tend bar, I wanna wear colors, oh so many colors! I wanna travel! I wanna hold baby tigers, and swim with dolphins! I wanna be naked...
June 2012
7 posts
My Love...
I have a love. I have a man, that no matter what I do, no matter what anguish I have…he is always there. He hurts me, I hurt him…I used to be weak, now I am strong. I can differentiate between needing him and wanting him in my life. I have had very long discussions with him and my therapist about this. He is Dan. He is one of my very favorite people. In my whole life. He is top. I...
My Therapist...
Is one of the coolest persons I know.
I can tell her anything! :P
Lol.
Europe, how I miss thee.
My last entry was me being completely jetlagged and dehydrated. As the days passed, I found myself more and more in love with Europe. But nothing compared to the love and familiarity I felt when I set foot in Dublin, Ireland.
I <3 Ireland.
To be continued….
First Night in London.
I have anxiety. It becomes more and more evident to me that it is quite bad. I am in Europe right now, and I am having a horrible time. All I ever wanted to see was London, Paris and Dublin…So far, I have seen London, it was cool, not the best thing ever…but it has been raining, and I am just not comfortable with my friend, even though she’s one of my best friends, I am just not...
Uh Ohh...
Had a Carrie/Big moment this weekend….oh well. Honestly…did y’all think it wasn’t gonna happen? Important thing is, I am open and hoping for another man who will treat me better. In the mean time, is it thaaaat bad to every once and awhile fool around with my ex? Maybe. I don’t know. Whatevs.
May 2012
41 posts
Hmmm...something new.
Got a text from a dude, who, in some way I have been intrigued by for the past year or so. Well, while I was single, I was intrigued. Let’s see what happens….
Life Plan.
Keep working my now THREE jobs.
Make lots of money.
Go to school, nice and steady.
Get my degree.
Hopefully meet someone in the mean time, who will change my mind about Dan…
Because, surprisingly, I would like to have a baby sometime in the future :)
…NEVER thought I would say that.
I say “say” because, I believe I have always felt it, but because of my life, and all...
My Energy, My Love, My Worst Fear.
And there’s no remedy for memory.
your face is like a melody, it won’t leave my head.
your soul is haunting me and telling me,
everything is fine…
I miss you so much.
My Grandpa.
Was the best man I have ever met in my life.
Reading Me?
Are you reading me? Are you reading my mind? I do not have a written word to go to, just to see how you are…but I know. I know you. More than you do. Are you reading me? Do you know how I miss you at night? Do you know how I do not drink, just so I won’t cry? Do you know, I go out every night with friends? Do you know, I sing? I sing our songs in my car…do you see me in the...
A Black Shirt.
Originally written: 08/2011
I’m wearing you.
I’m smelling you.
I’m hearing you.
I’m feeling you.
The roughness of your chin.
The silkiness of your tongue.
That wonderful aroma of kiss.
The bite of your teeth.
I love you.
Years, months, days…seconds are forever.
To love you is to live fully.
To miss you is a trip to Hell.
Feeling you in me is solace.
...
DAN!
So, there’s this cute new English teacher at my day job. Tall, dark hair, kinda quiet, cute… I saw him in the copy room a few weeks ago, as I mustered up the courage to at least say a “good mornin’” …another teacher walked in, and said, “Hey Dan, how ya doing?”
Fuck. My. Life.
Lol.
Peace and Love.
Dr. Seuss Poem.
I have to write a poem for Jenn’s and Jace’s wedding. It will be in the style of Dr. Seuss. I don’t know what I will say yet, but I am sure it will be funny and endearing :)
For practice, I will write a Dr. Seuss-style poem about my hot manager. LOL.
Brown wavy hairs, sprouted on top
Looks like he is wearing a mop
He walks around, kinda dumbly
But when he gets close, I get...
Birthday 26.
Soooo, as many of you know, I will be in Europe in two weeks. Scared of the flight, but can’t wait to be with Ahlong, traveling part of the world I have yet to see. Since I will be gone during my 26th birthday, which I did on purpose, I had a party last night. Of course, it started at Friday’s…my favorite place for a party. Have been having my birthday there for years, off and...
Two Bud Lights...
In about four hours, this time, last year, I drove down to Carlmont Village, to meet up with a man, I knew I shouldn’t have been meeting up with. I made an excuse for this, that being, we had to exchange gifts. I had a book he just HAD to read (Women by Charles Bukowski), and I wanted my Slayer shirt back…
We met at 8, and he asked if I wanted to hang out and talk for a bit, of course...
Anahid.
Say what you want about Miss Anahid…yeah, she’s a cheap tipper to my awesome foodrunners, my amazing bussers, and my great bartenders, and she is a quite a greedy server to the rest of us, (well, not me, but I’m me and no one is mean to me, hehe). But as a person outside of work, she is good. She is just a really good human.
Peace and Love.
“I can do this once more
No man can keep me together
Been broken since I was...”
– Lana Del Rey
No Handbook.
There is no handbook on life. Why do humans do what they do? Because we have brains that are far too advanced. Our emotions drive us to do most of the things we do throughout life. We get attached, we fall in love, we feel hurt, we get angry, we feel nostalgic, we feel vindictive, we feel jealousy…
All these things make us who we are, what we do, how we react to others… these things...
“When you walked out that door, a piece of me died. Told you I wanted more. I...”
– Lana Del Rey
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Tattoos: Are They Meaningful? Or Just Lifeless...
{Written in January 2010}
Well, to some, maybe they are lifeless color I have embedded into my skin, but to me, they are very much meaningful.
As a young lass, I always wanted to get a tattoo, before they were even all that popular. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew I wanted one. My mother hated that. Oh well. So by twenty-two, I knew, and had known what I wanted to get. A peace sign...
School...a long, satisfying road...
Hello all my dedicated readers,
I know many go to school, many get their bachelor’s, their master’s, certificates, and what have you, but in my case, going back and committing to a degree is quite a big deal for me, and my family. When I complete this degree (Oh! And I will!) I will be the first person in my family to earn a college degree. What made me want to go back to school, you...
