"I passionately hate the idea of being with it; I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time."
-Orson Welles
Peace & Love
…got the maple syrup, everything but you.
I go about my business, doing fine. Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line?
Take a deep breath and a good look around…
I’m half alive, but I feel mostly dead…
I try to tell myself it will be alright, I shouldn’t think anymore tonight.
Life Plan.
Keep working my now THREE jobs.
Make lots of money.
Go to school, nice and steady.
Get my degree.
Hopefully meet someone in the mean time, who will change my mind about Dan…
Because, surprisingly, I would like to have a baby sometime in the future :)
…NEVER thought I would say that.
I say “say” because, I believe I have always felt it, but because of my life, and all the things that have transpired all through it, wanting a family just seems like something very impractical.
My Energy, My Love, My Worst Fear.
And there’s no remedy for memory.
your face is like a melody, it won’t leave my head.
your soul is haunting me and telling me,
everything is fine…
I miss you so much.
My Grandpa.
Was the best man I have ever met in my life.
I thought, I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around, and he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well, you couldn’t be that man I adored
You don’t seem to know,
Seem to care, what your heart is for
But I don’t know him anymore
There’s nothing where he used to lie
The conversation has run dry
That’s what’s going on
Nothing’s fine, I’m torn
I’m all out of faith
This is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
Reading Me?
Are you reading me? Are you reading my mind? I do not have a written word to go to, just to see how you are…but I know. I know you. More than you do. Are you reading me? Do you know how I miss you at night? Do you know how I do not drink, just so I won’t cry? Do you know, I go out every night with friends? Do you know, I sing? I sing our songs in my car…do you see me in the streets? Do you see my gentle arms, like wings out of my car? Do you see my tear-smeared cheeks? Do you read me? Do you read my mind every night?
Do you miss me?
Do you love me?
Do you dream of me?
Do you kiss me there?
Do you hug me there?
I’ll see you there…in the dark of our nights…
…we’ll love forever.
A Black Shirt.
Originally written: 08/2011
I’m wearing you.
I’m smelling you.
I’m hearing you.
I’m feeling you.
The roughness of your chin.
The silkiness of your tongue.
That wonderful aroma of kiss.
The bite of your teeth.
I love you.
Years, months, days…seconds are forever.
To love you is to live fully.
To miss you is a trip to Hell.
Feeling you in me is solace.
Feeling you in me is my home.
